I Am Not Supermom
After working part time at a bank for four years, Donnie and I decided to take the leap of living on one income, and I became a full time stay-at-home mom last summer. Though I felt incredibly blessed to have this opportunity, my insecurities about being “just” a mom immediately started creeping in.
Now that I wasn’t “doing anything else,” {yeah, sure ;)} my house should look perfect, my kids should look and act perfectly because I have a flawless discipline system in place, I should have a full agenda of fun and educational activities planned for each day, I should be cooking gourmet meals for dinner every night, I should have loads of time for intense workouts, and I should spend at least an hour having a quiet time before cooking a three course breakfast before everyone wakes up, right? Um, yeah. Not so much.
I found myself in a constant inward battle because I wasn’t accomplishing all of these things every day like I had pictured. All this beating myself up and feeling like a failure only did one thing: kept my eyes focused on me. I had been given the gift of getting to serve my children and my husband as my full time job, and I was spending the whole time focusing on myself and resenting my family because they were getting in the way of completing my “Supermom” to do list. All this inward focus also whittled my self-worth down to very little. I couldn’t do it all. I was a failure. What could God ever want with me?
It was after I had reached this point of uber-frustration that He started to show me exactly what He wanted with me. He kept throwing Psalm 139:14 in my path: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” It’s okay to believe that. In fact, it’s more than just okay—you need to believe that!
The God who created the Universe took the time to create YOU, fearfully and wonderfully, and if we don’t believe that, if we’re not finding our confidence in the Lord, we’ll spend a lot of time doing what I did: focusing on me and my insecurities instead of looking upward to Him.
If we can really trust God’s Word and start to see ourselves as wonderfully created daughters of the King, it will also free up so much of our headspace for loving others instead of competing with them, for cherishing our families instead of resenting them, for finding ways to serve instead of looking for other people to fulfill us.
So will you dare to see yourself the way God sees you, as His wonderful creation? Will you give the glory to Him so that He can use you to carry out His plans? I know it’s hard to feel “wonderful” and “lovely” in the midst of temper tantrums, diaper changes, and cleaning up the same toys for the 1000th time, but remember that God is smiling because you are doing the work that He ordained for you to do. In the midst of it all, remind yourself to focus your eyes upward instead of inward, and let Him change you from the inside out.
Linked Up Here:
The Real Thing with the Coake Family- Real Family Fun, Happy and Blessed Home- Family Fun Friday
All you wrote is so true. I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom now for 13 and a half years! I went through exactly what you described in your post, as a matter of fact, it still happens from time to time BUT I continue to love where GOD has called me to do my biggest ministry and I praise HIM in it all! ~Sonya
You are so right, Sonya! It is the biggest ministry and it is SO not about me {thank goodness}! Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a great day!
~Abby =)
I can completely relate! Being “just” a mom doesn’t seem to be very respected by society, and I’ve been self conscious about it before (sometimes I still am). I’ve heard people say it’s a waste of a degree and other less than complimentary things, but ultimately I feel I’m doing the most important job I could ever have. As for my house, one of my favorite sayings is, “Please excuse the mess. The children are making memories.” Thanks for sharing and beautifully articulating so many of my own thoughts and feelings!
I’m so glad someone else feels the same way! Sometimes I write this stuff and think, “What if I’m just nuts and everyone else has figured it all out?!” Lol. It is such an important job, and I feel blessed {and incredibly humbled} to be doing it! LOVE THAT QUOTE!! Hope you’re having a great week, Emily!
~Abby =)
I applaud you! I’m so trying to believe that on myself, in my case I work full time 🙂 but I do thank God for letting me have my job and my family together.. 🙂 Thanks for this wonderful words really sits you down and makes you think… Have an awesome day!
I applaud YOU for balancing home and work so beautifully! Awesome! Thanks so much for reading, Arlena!
~Abby =)
I just have to comment that as a stay at home mother of two children that are now 26 and 24 and have moved on to create their own lives…..you are doing the most difficult job there is and praise God that you are able to do it! I was able to stay home with my children as well and as soon as I realized that the people who “looked down” on the fact that I “didn’t work”, were really jealous of the fact that I had the best job in the world! Cherish these years because they will make all the difference in your babies worlds. Ignore the “downers” and remember to feel blessed that you are “one of the lucky ones”! God Bless……..Angela
Thank you so much, Angela! You are such an encouragement to me. Your children are blessed to have a mama like you!!
~Abby =)
Hi!
Wonderfully said!
For you, even thinking about this, makes you for a wonderful Mom…..you care!
Just think, of someone else, taking your Child to his first day of School…..Crying for Mom! I would feel so Useless! See what I mean! Enjoy your Children, Husband and don’t worry about the House, it will always be there, when your ready to do it!
Love, Hugs and God Bless!!!!
Thank you, Vicki! I already tear up thinking about my oldest going off to school, and that’s over a year away! I think I will be more of a basket case than he will! 😉 Thanks so much for your encouraging words!
~Abby =)
It is so hard not to succumb to the superwoman ideal and complex. I constantly struggle with this. In fact, I write a monthly post called “Keeping it real” and I feel like the last two or three, I probably sound like a broken record in my saying I’m struggling and how I’m not superwoman. My only advice…which I am working on daily…is to listen to your intuition and follow what your heart know you and your family need that day.
Thanks so much for linking up at Real Family Fun.
KC
Thanks so much for the encouragement, KC! It is comforting to know that there are other moms out there thinking the same thing. Thanks again for hosting a fun link up!
~Abby =)
It’s so hard to see our worth when the world tells us we should be supermom! I struggle with keeping my eyes focused on what Christ thinks of me, instead of the world, as well. Thanks for the encouraging post 🙂
It is tough! I have to remind myself all the time, too! Thanks for reading, Tracee!
~Abby =)
Words we need to hear again and again, thank you for the reminder. x
Thank you, Nanette! Have a wonderful Easter!
~Abby =)
I love it. I hope it’s okay, but I’m going to link this up at our “operation help! parenting” link up party (if not let me know). It is open for most of the month. If you have any other great posts like this please share them.
https://shaffer-sisters.blogspot.com/2013/04/special-parenting-circumstances.html
Thanks so much! I’m so glad you stopped by!
~Abby =)
Hi Abby, I like your postings in this blog. I think that you are a humble person and through your crafts, I see that you can maximize the time you have as a full time mom. Right now I am working at a company, though one day I hope I can be a full time mom when I got married. Thanks for sharing your experiences and struggles in this post.
Thank you so much, Patrice! Your sweet comments made my day! I’m so glad you stopped by. Have a wonderful week!
~Abby =)
Thank you. I am not a stay at home mom, but a full time mother of 1 yr old twins with a husband working 80 hours a week. My kids are fed and happy that should feel like enough right? However, I constantly feel like I’ve let everyone down. My house is constantly a mess, the laundry is just barely done and sometimes I’m relieved when the kids go to bed. I feel like I’m never enough that I should be able to get it all done, while spending every moment I can with my kids. Your words in this blog brought me instantly to tears and gave me a moment of relief of myself. So again, Thank you.
Oh, girl. You are so not alone. I have had several different working/stay at home situations since I’ve had kids and with all of them I have felt similar things to what you’re describing. But the fact that you are striving to meet your family’s needs and loving on them shows that you are doing awesome! The laundry can wait, the mess will not always be there, and you (and I!) will get through this time. (And then we’ll probably miss it! 🙂 Hugs, friend! You are a GREAT mom!
~Abby =)